All across America, a disturbing health trend has been diagnosed - Fatassidous (pronounced fah-DASS-ah-dus). The effects of this syndrome are many, with symptoms including a prediliction for eating everything in sight and watching tv for hours at a time. Leading causes of fatassidous include pizza, laziness, and indian food buffets. Chicago is the epicenter of the fatassidous emergency, but its tentacles are widespread and go all the way up to my butt.
There is a treatment program though - it starts with moving your body everyday. Something. Every day. If you find yourself asking your loved ones to wipe your ass for you - you may be suffering from fatassidous. If you are unable to touch your toes and require a crane to get you out of bed, chances are you may be undiagnosed, but still experiencing fatassidous.
Remember - only you can prevent your decline into total fatassidous.
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